Sunday, November 19, 2017

Horndogs in the Hollywood, the White House, the Senate

With the revelation that, bottom line, Harvey Weinstein is a frigging horndog who likes to show his penis and, shall we say, insinuate his penis into lady parts that didn't want his penis there, comes the revelation that Louis C.K. is a horndog, Senator Al Franken has had his day in the horndog sun, Senator-Wanna-Be Roy Moore liked to date young women of ages 14 to 18 when he was a working attorney in his thirties, and Kevin Spacey has been known to grope boys and very young men, comes a big fat headache because the Horndog-and-Hypocrite-in-Chief is the worst offender of all and gets off without repercussions.  And one wonders if young men are paying attention or just paying attention to what they want to see.  And one further hopes that the day of the casting couch is indeed over.  And that the Horndog-in-Chief will have to pay for his hypocrisies.

Young men, no means NO.  Are you psychic?  If you are, get a storefront and set up shop and leave women alone.  "She wanted it."  No, she didn't want it.  She said, "No."  This is why you've not set up shop as a psychic, isn't it?  Older men!  Plez, bitches, keep it in your pants.  Are you married or in a committed relationship?  Either end the relationship or keep it in your pants.  Are you 18 or over and is he/she not yet 18?  Your pants?  Keep it tucked away.  If he/she is under 18 and is saying yes, yes, yes, and you're 18 or over, you say, "If you still feel the same on your 18th birthday, call me up."  You have to be the grownup.  Think of it as one of the things you have to do as an adult, like paying taxes, voting, serving on juries, getting an annual flu shot, and saying no to sex with underage individuals.

I feel bad for the Democrats because of Senator Franken (and I include myself among those for whom I feel bad), but at least he didn't deny it, he apologized, she accepted and said she didn't want him to resign, he called for an Ethics investigation into himself and his actions, and no one else has stepped forward and said they'd also been assaulted. Small consolation, huh?  And he was just touchy and Mr. Tongue.

Men!  Your pants need to be kept zipped with your penises stored beneath the underwear in front of you.  You don't have to a horndog.

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Sunday, October 22, 2017

Flooded beaches

So even though it rained 4.5 inches in Chicago last weekend and the Riverwalk flooded -- first time ever -- the Foster and Montrose Beaches are beautifully clear of debris and water, just in time for winter.  Even though it's been a rollercoaster ride of weather -- warm, warm days that just aren't right -- for me, they're indicative of our current political clime and I am not hating it.  It takes my mind off the chicanery, the high jinks, the lies, the idiocy coming out of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.  The weather's not right and neither is this presidency.

What did they do with the water and why couldn't they do it in summer?

Sunday, October 15, 2017

1st Amendment

OMG OMG OMG and WTF?  NBC News reported some news which is to say they gave a truthful account of something that Donald Trump did and he used his favorite Method of Bile Distribution which is Twitter.  He said that NBC's license should be pulled because they were reporting fake news about his desire to increase the nuclear arsenal tenfold (which I believe it's what cause Rex Tillerson to call Trump a "fucking moron").  Later when the press came to cover a meeting with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, he said, "It's frankly disgusting the way the press is able to write whatever they want to write and people should look into it."  When he was asked if he favored limits on what the media can say, he replied, "No.  The press should speak more honestly."

Let's split that into two points.  People did look into the press writing whatever they want.  Those people were the Founding Fathers and it was important enough to them that they made this the first thing (after the preamble, natch).

Amendment I. Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

In other words, asshats like me can write about what we think of events of the day.  I express my opinion and I get out.  I urge people to vote.  I urge people to just think about my point of view.  I do research to know my facts are pretty solid.  Then it's over for a week.  Who do I have thank for this?  Those sweet Founding Fathers of ours, a/k/a the Framers of the Constitution.  Thanks, guys!  If you came to this world today you'd shit your collective pants but because of you, I can say how you might shit your pants if you came to this world today.

Because of those guys, I can say that Mike Ditka is very probably insane, stupid, concussed one too many times, or a combo of all three, because he said there had been no oppression in this country for the past 100 years.  Yeah, the Negro League of Baseball was there because there was no oppression and everyone could play ball nice together.  The Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., organized a massive march for Civil Rights because there was no oppression. In 1939, when African-American contralto Marian Anderson was barred from singing at Constitution Hall in Washington because it was owned by the Daughters of the American Revolution (DAR) and those wacky gals put whites-only into the contracts at the time, First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt immediately resigned from the DAR.  NAACP Executive Secretary Walter White suggested a concert on public land and so Harold Ickes, the Secretary of the Interior, built a stage onto the front steps of the Lincoln Memorial and introduced Ms. Anderson to a desegregated crowd of 75,000.  One of the most celebrated of opera stars sang for 25 minutes, starting with "My Country, 'Tis of Thee."  When he introduced her, Harold Ickes said, "In this great auditorium under the sky, all of us are free.  Genius, like justice, is blind.  Genius draws no color lines." Hey, Mike, does this sound strangely like there was oppression to you?

So thanks again, Founding Fathers, for that swell first amendment, the freedom of speech, assembly, religion, and the press.  And thanks, too, to Gold Star dad Khizr Khan, who offered to give Donald Trump his copy of the Constitution.  What a shame Trump didn't take him up on the offer.

As to the press being honest, liars don't know what the truth is because their lives have been so firmly run by lies and falsehoods that the only truth they know is whatever lie they're peddling of late.  Yo, Trumpy?  Feel the heats?  Yer pants are on fire.

Monday, October 9, 2017

What happened to Sunday

I went to Ikea, Costco, Joann, Lands' End, all in the suburbs.  I left at 9:30; I returned at 5.  I was bushed, I assure you, and I was in no mood to think about blogging and then I forgot about that, too.

See you on Sunday.

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Not a surprise, really

The Chicago Bears were summarily handed their asses by the Green Bay Packers.  A personal message to Mr. Mike Glennon:  How can we miss you if you won't go away?

Attention Bears owners!  Cheap ass, dumb, and seemingly apolitical as you are, wouldn't it be a good idea to grab Mr. Colin Kaepernick, he of "The Knee," and make him QB?  He took the San Francisco 49ers to a Super Bowl.  Mike Glennon can rarely get the ball to move 5 yards into the end zone.  And think of the attention you'll get!  It can be a rest-of-season-plus-post-season contract -- he's not working so it could be a bargain and I know you love a bargain -- and then renegotiate next year if things go well.  Otherwise, hey, one and done; no harm, no foul.

Just sayin'.

Sunday, September 24, 2017


Two reasons, really.

First, the president of the United States of America, who will go nameless here, is engaged in a verbal dick measuring contest with the Supreme Leader of North Korea.  The nameless president called Kim Jung-Un "Rocket Man," against the advice of his advisors.  It's doubtful that Kim Jung-Un has advisors to whom he listens and he called the nameless president a "dotard."  Very imaginative!  Arcane but imaginative.  We all raced to our electronic devices to google it.  The nameless president IS a dotard -- although I prefer how my coworkers says it, which is "DOE-tard."  And because these two can't just get together, drop trou, and settle whose member is the more huge of the two, the escalation continues.  The USA flew bombers off the coast of North Korea for the first time in this century.  North Korea threatened to do a Pacific Ocean test of a nuclear bomb which is insanely dangerous as the wind could carry the fallout all over the place.  Nameless president said he would destroy North Korea and K J-U said he'd do something similar to the USA.

The USA can't do squat to North Korea without also doing damage to South Korea and China and maybe Japan.  Who the hell knows what North Korea can do to us.  K J-U wants to be taken seriously and nameless president wants to be the biggest gasbag of them all, or, as we used to say at my job when we had someone that was particularly long-winded and whiny, "Gas, gas, gas, gas, gas."  Does he think that K J-U will back down?  Does K J-U think nameless president will stop being a gasbag.  ATTENTION NAMELESS!  He wants to be taken seriously and exert himself on the world stage. ATTENTION MR. K J-U!  Namless is an old man who has never ever not even once apologized ever, ever, ever and he isn't going to change.

Seriously, let's get them a room at a hotel in, say, Frankfurt.  The Steigenberger Airport Hotel, let's say as it's right by the airport and on the edge of a forest; part of the hotel was once a hunting lodge.  Make the woods crawl with Secret Service and whatever they call the guys who protect K J-U.  They get a big room.  They drop trou.  There can be perfunctory measurements and even pictures.  Then they pull up, zip up, and go home.  The bigger penis has rights to usage for holiday cards.

I like it.

Second, the Bears won a game!  They beat the Steelers which is a good team!  Congrats and bear down!

Sunday, September 17, 2017

Grin and bear it, Chicago Bears Fans

TODAY!  In Tampa, Florida, recently visited by Hurricane Irma!  The Chicago Bears vs. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Bucs      29
Bears     7

Get used to it, my fellow fans.  It's gonna be a long, embarrassing season.

My new favorite player is 5'6" Tarik Cohen, the running back out of North Caroline A&T.  Five foot six!  I am three inches taller than him and he's going to have a very career in the NFL.  Please, NFL players, don't tackle the bejeezus out of him and get him all concussed.

Monday, September 11, 2017

Bear down, Chicago Bears

My dream of going to a National Football League regular season game and sit in a skybox as someone's guest came true today and it was great, except for the game, which actually was a game with proper scoring and mostly solid play on both sides, until the very end and then it was a sad joke.

There were about two minutes left to go, they'd already sounded the two-minute warning and the Bears were at the 5-yard line.  They had four chances to get the ball into the end zone for a touchdown which would have tied the game and forced the game into overtime.  Four chances from the 5-yard line and they effed it up each and every time.  Atlanta Falcons 23, Chicago Bears 17.

But look!  PIX!!  There were pyrotechnics and unfurling American flags and everyone singing "Bear Down, Chicago Bears," whenever the Bears scored a touchdown.  I really enjoyed our outing at Soldier Field except for the loss thing and since I expected them it to lose terribly, I was not disappointed in the least.

Bears from the mouth of the Bear through the phalanx of pyrotechnics

Unrolling the American flag

More unrolling

Almost done!

The national anthem is sung ...
... and those holding the edges move the arms up and down to make it seem like it's waving.

Sunday, September 3, 2017

What I think happened, without naming names

So all this pre-election shit is true.  It all happened but the post-Inaugural stuff?  That happened but it's harder to prove, i.e. impossible.  The elected one can't keep a secret and can't be subtle which is how all roads lead to him.


In another blog I talked about the can't-keep-a-secret things that went down pre-G20.

Recently at the G20, the elected one had a conversation with his Russian counterpart.  There was no American translator present so there was no record of what they said to each other.  The conversation was about 30 minutes in length and then he got on Air Force One and headed home.  On the plane he dictated to his on what he was going to tell the feds in his investigation.  Of course, all of this came out and, of course, it's all a lie.  He probably could'nt wait to get on the plane and share his pal's instructions because if he didn't they would fly right out his badly-coiffeured head.

What I think is that at the G20 meetings, the elected one and their leader put their dishonest heads together with the Russian translator and the Russian counterpart told him what would happen or what should happen and the time line for it to happen.

The Russians are not our friends; they are our longtime adversaries.  They don't want good things to happen here as good things in America would go against the agenda of their leader.  The American elected one wants power like his Russian counterpart has but he doesn't realize there are things called the Constitution and the Congress and the Supreme Court that are supposed to make that shit not happen.  There are also "laws," but I wager he thinks he is above those.

And then something strange happened.

The Russians said 775 Americans from the Russian embassy had to leave Moscow and return to the US.  The elected one said no big deal, we had to cut down on the number of people there anyway.  The Russians were soon advised the San Francisco, New York, and Washington, DC, consulates had to close.  No big deal, if you close the one in San Fran; there's another one in LA. But if you close New York and Washington, where will people on the East Coast wanting to enter Russia get visas?  Their bromance didn't think this through.  Clearly.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Air Show!

This was the weekend of the Chicago Air and Water Show.  It's an annual event and ground zero is North Avenue Beach.  Because I am about 3-4 miles north of this, I just get the big, fast stuff whipping around, getting into position to do their thing right over that beach.  The elite flying team of the Navy, the Blue Angels, made a lot of noise going close to my house and there was one other big ass jet that also whizzed close by.  How closely they fly in formation is insane and made me realize one thing and remember another.

What I realized is that I don't really much care about it.  Maybe if I were closer to the action, I'd care, but standing at my window and seeing planes getting into position to do things that I wouldn't see?  Not so much.

What I remembered is a story an old friend told me many years ago.  His father was a jet pilot in the Air Force and very good at his job.  He spent his entire working life in service to his country and retired from the Air Force.  His dad got different assignments when my friend was growing up so he and his sister saw a good deal of the country.

At one assignment, where they were based happened to be where they were having tryouts to be one of the Thunderbirds, the USAF equivalent of the Blue Angels.  His dad thought this would be interesting and would really test his mettle as a pilot so he went and tried out.  He was invited to come back the next day to do someone more flying.  That night he told his wife -- my friend's mom -- that he'd had this tryout, that he'd done really well, that he was going to be going back the next day to do some more flying with them.

Long story short?  As my old friend put it, "He told my mom and he never went back."

But, bless her heart, he didn't end up a spot on a street corner, either.

Sunday, August 13, 2017

No secret too big to not spill

Everyone knows someone who is a lovely, dear, sweet person who just can't keep a secret.  They're like children just learning about discretion and they can't help themselves.  These types aren't gossips, they just can't keep it in.  Generally, once you and this sweetie have bonded as friends for life, that never happens again but until that time, you just have to be careful.

Of course there are those who are just boneheads who will never be lovely nor dear not sweet.  They are vicious, thoughtless, and selfish, bordering on sociopath and psychopath both.  They use this information to make themselves feel more important, to twist a mental knife into an enemy's heart, to quiet a girlfriend, to show how special they really are as in, "I know something," or they just can't keep a secret.

And so we have one of the latter in the White House.  What secrets can't he keep?

At the debates with Hillary Clinton he said that Russia should hack her accounts.  And then it turned out they were doing just that and way more -- hacking into state voter rolls.

At a meeting with a Russian ambassador at the White House he dropped secrets about Israel.

Then there was that mysterious tete-a-tete (a-tete as they needed a translator) with Mr. Putin at the end of the G-20 dinner.  Everyone wondered what they talked about, how there was no record of what they were saying because there was just Putin's translator, how it went on for thirty minutes.  In the last couple of weeks it came out that on the plane on the way back from the G-20, Mr. Trump dictated to Donald Junior what Junior's press release should say about what transpired when Junior and Paul Manafort met with the Russian attorney in Trump Tower.  And now we know what Trump and Putin were talking about.  Just my sweet little theory but it seems to me that Putin was telling Trump what Junior should say to throw people off the track.  Trump Senior probably was delighted with this, thinking the American people are dumb enough to believe this without question, forgetting about law, doubt, and people who are not supporters of his or would get sick of his shit and stop supporting him.  He forgot about Robert Mueller III and his band of brilliant attorneys and investigators.  In other words, he was the bonehead who can't keep a secret.

This past week Putin tossed out 755 American diplomats from Moscow.  Trump's reaction?  He said was glad, saying they were going to be cutting staff anyway, a combination of "so what?" and "neener neener neener."  But, honestly, I think Putin has something so huge on him and all that remains is for Senior to remove his pants and tightie whities, spread his cheeks, and bend over.  I don't care to hear if he held onto a chair or the wall or if he just took it like the bitch he is.  And because Senior can't keep a secret, you know that he will work this into a conversation and add a lot of hyperbole.  "His cock is massive, the biggest ever grown on a man, but my anus is five times the normal size so I hardly felt a thing."

Sunday, August 6, 2017

A new take on a necessary evil

In these days of a shrinking globe and increased air travel, it's safe to say that much of the New World population has been on an airplane at one time or another.  Maybe just once to go to Disney World with the folks who had saved for years to make it happen, maybe to Gran's funeral, or maybe every week for business.  Regardless of how often or when, we've all had the chance to experience the glory that is the pre-flight safety briefing.

I've never been on Southwest but my sister told me that a Southwest flight she took with my nieces had the flight attendants doing the briefing to the tune of "All Shook Up."  I was envious that she got to experience something that fun.  The airlines I take usually have something wildly dull and straight forward, if that exciting.

So you can imagine my glee when I came across this little safety film from Air New Zealand that, frankly, no one will ever outdo.  Enjoy, my precious.

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Let the writers do the writing

My sister sent me this brilliant Twitter exchange so this week I am having the real writers over to do the real writing:

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Milwaukee road trip

My niece and I went to Milwaukee today to visit my dear friend, Michael, and get the lay of the land.  Michael is great!  Milwaukee is cool!  My niece is always swell.  And on the way back we stopped and I bought yogurt, lunch meat, and tomatoes.  Life is RICH!!

Sunday, July 9, 2017

The bombs bursting in air

It's been well documented in this web log that I live on the 20th floor of a building that looks out at the lake.  Between me and the lake is a beach, Lake Shore Drive, a strip of Lincoln Park, a big ass partially-blocking-my-view senior high rise, some high-end row houses, and the Saddle and Cycle Club.

The Saddle and Cycle Club is a very exclusive country-club-in-the-city.  Years ago, I worked at a company whose executives were members and we had a company party there.  It was lovely -- manicured lawns, a lovely clubhouse, good catering department -- and I could get home on public transportation.  It's still there and is bigger.  They've bricked the driveway and installed a roofed ice rink.  There is an outdoor heated paddleball court which members seem to enjoy most when it's freezing outside.  The lawns are still manicured and lovely and there are well-used tennis courts.  On the 4th of July, they have fireworks.

As it's a private club, they never announce at what time the fireworks will be shot off but it's every 4th of July at about 9:30pm.  People gather in the park on blankets, congregate on the street, sit on Foster Beach, drop anchor in their boats on the lake, or, like me, stand at the window in the dark and watch.  Okay, that's not what I did.  This year I stood at the window and snapped off hundreds of pictures.

These are some very good, high-end fireworks.  The Saddle and Cycle Club is not without funds!  They really tossed up a lot of exploding matter and I took plenty of pics.  Some of the shots are surreal, some look like an invasion of space aliens, a few look like fireworks exploding, and many were kind of crap and it was cool!  When it was over, the club members applauded and I could hear them.

Next year I going to grab a friend or two and a blanket and go sit in the park and just enjoy it.  Photography is nice but so is living in the moment.

The Works Surreal (or was I just jittery?)

Fireworks!  Real fireworks!

The fiery aliens thought the chrysanthemums were its real parental units.