Sunday, September 5, 2010

WTF and I mean it

A Haiku of WTF?

Team for season set!
The tiny brains cut the gold.
Bye, Dan LeFevour.

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The Bears stank up another stadium, this time in Ohio. I forgot this last exhibition game was being played and, instead, watched an episode of "Community" and then went swimming. When I got home I still forgot it was on and looked at icanhascheezburger.com and knocked off at about 10:15. The next morning I saw the highlights on WGN and realized I am to comprehensive football blogging what a former governor of Alaska was to commitment to her electorate. So I did what came next (in my mind) to get information, i.e. I exchanged IMs with Lady Football. She advised that she too went to bed early but that Lord Football, who loves, loves, loves the Bears had watched the whole game. When he got into bed, she asked if they won and Lord Football, he who loves loves loves the Bears, said, "Of course not."

"Of course not."

WTF are the coaches and front officers thinking? Jay Cutler is clearly a waste of those millions. Dan LeFevour showed he has the football stuff during the pre-season Cardinals game and so, of course, they released him. The Bengals have snapped him up and, mark the words of someone who cares but mostly blows hot air, he will have a very exciting and winning career and the Bears will be kicking themselves and each other all around the Colonnade at Solider Field whenever they think about it. Kyle Orton, whom those knuckleheads traded for J. Cutler, is having a fine, winning time of it in Denver. Now they've unloaded the rookie QB who could possibly lead them from the crapper -- really, check out his college stats -- so they can fully concentrate on Losey Loserson and Offensive Offenders. I would love to have a tape of the conversation that determined who was getting cut. "Dan LeFevour has a good future -- cut him loose!" Are there marbles, bells, whistles, and pictures of Angela Merkel where their brains once were? Why do the pictures have to be of Angela Merkel?

I have used the "Gods on Olympus" metaphor way too much but I am glad I have. These Bears are the gods from Mt. Olympus. They have kidnapped the real Bears and have placed themselves on the team, longing all these years to play them some pro ball. Naturally they suck at it; all they knows is being all powerful at their own specialty. This is as good an explanation as any and so I make an appeal to them -- please return to your mountain, let our own Bears go, and allow us to not let down people like Lord Football who loves, loves, loves him some Chicago Bears, and people like me, who don't know what they are talking about but deserve better. I won't worship you but I won't talk smack about you either.

Post script, Labor Day, 06 September 2010: I heard an interview with Rod Marinelli, Bears 2010 Defensive Coordinator, this evening. Live on the radio. I paraphrase that he said this was a great coaching team, the best he's ever worked with. Rod Marinelli is clearly deluded. Delusion aside, what is the guy supposed to say? "We know that we blow?" Still, too much enthusiasm for too marginal a product.

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