Sunday, January 30, 2011

And it looks like Cutler's just another victim

LOL built by yours truly on
(I believe I reliquish property control once it hits their pages.)

Last week I thought that was it for the season.  Game over, the Bears lost, and everyone will start thinking about next season.  Au contraire.  I arrived at work on Monday and Lady Football send me an instant message saying she thought Jay choked, caved, and fell to the pressure of an NFL final.  She used the words, "That's my story and I'm sticking to it."  Lady Football is a bright and sensible woman. If she suggests Jay choked, it merits consideration.  However, doctors and coaches were racing about flailing their arms (in general, flailing isn't a good look for anyone) and saying he had a tear in a knee ligament that would take several weeks to repair.  Jay didn't need surgery as it could be repaired with several weeks of rest.  This would have all gone away except Jay is whipped.

The Frank Loesser musical, "Guys and Dolls," has a title song with lyrics such as "when a bum buys wine like some bum can't afford, it's a cinch that the bum is under the thumb of some little broad." Whenever I see a big burly guy walking an eensy dog, words from this particular song spring to mind. (There are many verses and all are amusing.)  So when a bum gets $40 million for four years and can't tell his girlfriend he can't take her to the mall, well, the man is indulging in the first whipped topping for cats.  Jay's gal pal was on some reality show or other that I've never seen -- I don't have cable and am not a particular fan of reality shows unless it's "Dancing with the Stars," and even then I prefer the results show.  A coworker of mine loves reality shows and said, here paraphrased, the GF is beautiful but uncharitable and rather self-absorbed.  This appears to be quite the case as she'd rather have her injured athlete beau trot her with her for exploratory merchandising than tell him to heal and remain a gravy train in good standing with his team and his fans.

I still believe Jay hurt himself.  I also believe Todd Collins, the second string QB, will not be playing pro ball next year and I hoped he saved his money or maybe bought a big boat so he can take football loving men on fishing trips off the coast of Florida ("Fish with a Bear!").  But I digress.  I think Jay hurt himself and could not finish the game BUT when he got to California, his gal pal said, "Oh, it's just the mall!  Who's going to see you?  No one cares about your injury in Los Angeles!  Come on!" and whipped as he is, off they went, only to run into a TMZ cameraman.

TMZ is the brain child of Harvey Levin, a clever and personable attorney who saw that Americans love celebrity gossip.  TMZ which features smart, personable young people in a large newsroom, pitching their tidbits of celeb info to Harvey to be featured on the show.  TMZ has a website and a daily TV show and a daily broadcast in the website.  TMZ has cameramen all over LA -- at airports, hot restaurants, Rodeo Drive, popular shopping malls.  TMZ's staff includes young men who think JC's GF is super hot and so they cover her doings regularly.  Like if they run into her at the mall.  With her BF.  The Chicago Bears QB who supposedly hurt his knee four days prior.

The TMZ cameraman asked what they were buying at the mall, a question GF didn't answer.  (The attitude seemed to be haughty indifference with a soupcon of mental F-bombs.)  Harvey and the other football fans said he should have asked about the game, the injury, the loss of the of Lombardi Trophy.  I disagree.  I think he should have asked this, "Jay, were you always so whipped or is it just this particular, errr, kitty cat?"  That was the right question for Jay; it's my story and I am sticking to it.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

The end of the season, y'all

I really thought the Bears were going to suck the chrome off multiple trailer hitches this year, but there we were at the NFC Championship game in Soldier Field with home-field advantage.  Yeah, fine, we lost but it wasn't a massacre, with special kudos to Caleb Hanie who got points on the board.  No Superbowl XLV for us but we can be proud of what they did, can't we?  H-e-double-hockeysticks yes, I say emphatically.

The Bears won their division!  They got past Jay Cutler being the most sackable QB in the entire league, Jay started turning loose the ball, the bitches (yes, wide receivers, yes) caught and ran, the defense was as good as one expects a Bears defense to be (which is very good), and the Bears won games.  Once they and their coaching staff got it all together, there was no shame in their game.

Yes, y'all, I am going to watch Superbowl XLV but mostly to see The Black-Eyed Peas whom I find awesome.  The Steelers and the Packers can bitch slap each other raw with herrings but all that can't compare with the classic song, "Shut Up."  Since the Bears are out, not much really can (although smacking with herrings instead of making touchdowns has now captured my imagination).

Allow me to be the first to say it for the 2011-2012 season:  Go Bears!


OMG!  LOOK WHO WAS IN CHICAGO FOR THE GAME!!  The Pocket Square Guys, three of whom did not wear hats.  It was 16 degrees at game time with a nice wind whipping off the lake.  Soldier Field is spitting distance from the lake, in case you don't know, and three of them are more concerned with post-hat appearance than with staying warm and healthy.   Bottom line:  I will miss these guys.  In a non-election year (except for the City of Chicago which is having a mayoral election in February -- because nothing says you must really want to vote like an election in February in Chicago -- and then maybe a runoff election and then what happens anew almost immediately?  2012 Presidential Primary Fever, for which there is no vaccine), they gave me a reason to scream at my TV, which it seems I enjoy very much.  I would have been so excited had I seen them on the street here in town, but since I was at my friend's house last night and not downtown, the chance of me running into the PSGs was pretty stinking remote.  Maybe next year!  But not Jimmy.

No, not the moon over Soldier Field but the reflection of my light fixture on the TV.
Mine is a high-tech operation(and the pic is still no doubt property of FOX Sports).

Sing along at game time

From the Chicago Bears website:

The Chicago Bears fight song, Bear Down, Chicago Bears, was introduced in 1941. Though Jerry Downs is listed as the composer, it actually is a pseudonym for Al Hoffman (who also wrote the words and music for the song If I Knew You Were Coming I'd Have Baked a Cake).
Hoffman's words for the Bears' fight song:

Bear down, Chicago Bears, make every play clear the way to victory;
Bear down, Chicago Bears, put up a fight with a might so fearlessly.
We'll never forget the way you thrilled the nation with your T-formation.
Bear down, Chicago Bears, and let them know why you're wearing the crown.
You're the pride and joy of Illinois, Chicago Bears, bear down.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

One degree of Super Bowl XLV

Matt Hasselbeck, Seahawks #8, after the waltz.
Picture is probably property of the NFL and FOX.
I try not to say things like, "I may be crazy but..." because I am crazy, much as you are crazy and don't tell me you aren't crazy because the more you say it, the more it so.  But if i were an I-may-be-crazy-but girl, I would follow the phrase with "isn't this just a cool thing the Bears have done?"  It's not like the last time, for Super Bowl XLI, when Robbie Gould saved things week after week (do not get me started on Rex Grossman, y'all).  My belief that Cutler stank and the coaching staff blew and the offensive line bit was EITHER a wake up call that they needed to get it together (message sent courtesy of the universe as my readership could not possibly include even one single Bear, Bears coach, Bears staff member, or even someone working as an usher at Soldier Field for Bears games) OR after the severe sackage of Jay Cutler, they really did just get it together and get the job done.  If they can cream Green Bay's corn next week, the Bears will be playing in Super Bowl XLV in the Dallas Palace of Fine Football.  I am trying to contain my excitement and I am not going to quote statistics (as that is a dick measuring contest and I am a woman with no measurable appendages) and will just say please, please, please, please, por favor, s'il vous plait, please and thanks in advance, Bears.  As a first-time blogger, it has been very cool to be writing about this.

I was getting ready to bid a fond farewell to the Pocket Square Guys in case the unthinkable happened and the Bears did not trounce the Seahawks.  In preparation, I took this picture on my television set:
Pocket Square Guys, probable property of FOX Sports.
Left to right: Curt, Terry, Howie, Michael, and Jimmy

Aren't they just super-natty?  Someone dresses them and they don't object to the frippery.  I will happily deal with them for another week!  AND ON TO THE SUPER BOWL!!


So who am I?  This about describes it:

Sunday, January 9, 2011

What did I do to celebrate the playoff bye week?

Nonfootball things, thanks for asking.  At L'Eiffel Bistrot I had a nice lunch of a ratatouille/chicken/goat cheese crepe, delicious charcuterie (including a kangaroo pate), and some freaking tasty coffee.  My dear friend and I met up at a mall that is midway between our residences and we enjoyed conversation, shopping, and a cold but very clear day.  It was a great afternoon.  We ended by visiting a chocolate bar/gift shop that is ridiculously girly and charming and pleasant and fun.  It is called Anna Shea and I want to visit again next week and drink a giant pot of coffee and a bonbon or half of a cupcake.  Anna Shea is perfect for mid-shopping relaxation or a wedding shower or a bridal shower or a birthday party.  It's all the way out in South Barrington so if you are in that neck of the woods, stop and relax for no other reason than it's pretty and girly and fun.  If you're a manly man, it might make you twitchy.

As soon as I got home, I turned on the TV in time to see the Packers beat Michael Vick and the Eagles, and have now discovered that the Bears will take on the Seahawks next Sunday at Soldier Field.  I have made plans with nonfans for next Sunday (unless it snows) so I will have to wait until I get home for highlights and results and that is fine as the nonfans are old friends and lovely  people who have no idea I have gone to the dark side and now like pro sports, especially my beloved Bears.  The Bears don't need me to watch in order to win but please, please, please, my Bears, please beat Matt Hasselbeck -- no, not the husband of Elizabeth of "The View" -- and the Seahawks and ADVANCE!  Please, por favor, etc.


Hell yeah, it stays.
I ride the Blue Line in Chicago and I beat the CTA painters to the piece of grafitti on the left.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

On to the playoffs; the Thing will allegedly leave

'The regular season ended with the Bears losing to their division rivals, the Green Bay Packers, with a score of 10-3.  Yes, this does mean the Packers got a field goal, a touchdown, and the extra point, and we got a field goal, but at least it was an even match with tough guys pushing on each other and playing like hardened SOBs until the game was done.  There were 10 seconds on the clock and they were still setting up a play.  Because of the Bears win-opposite outcome, the Packers will be in the playoffs, and are the #6 seed.  The Bears are still the #2 seed and next week is a bye week so I am not upset except I have to scrounge up a topic for next week; perhaps I will speculate on what LOSERS every other team is.  Oh, how unsportsmanlike of me.

Toward the end of the game, the commentators were blabbing about stats (i.e. the rulers were out and the dicks were being measured) and saying how the Bears had done a better job of gaining yardage.  Again, stats are useless because it doesn't matter how many yards you gain if you don't get as many points. Packers?  10.  Bears?  3.  Stats?  0.  Me?  1,000*.

My beginning-of-the-season wish came true -- the Bears are in the playoffs and there will be January ball with me blogging about it.  What is better? The wish come true or the blogging?  BOTH because I am wondering what the heck I will write about when the playing is over in February after the Super Bowl (my next wish), and I am enjoying the discipline of sitting and writing about the game.  Football is a very good thing to follow for those who are easily distracted by shiny things and socializing because there are a limited number of games in a season that doesn't last too very long.  Baseball, hockey, and basketball are seemingly interminable with too many games to follow.  Please note:  if at any time, any Chicago sports team wins anything at the tippety top of the big prizes, something akin to the Stanley Cup, you know I will be out on the sidewalk in the middle of the day screaming, "WOOOOO!"  And then I will go back to work.

I assume there will be a few weeks more of the Pocket Square Guys (a dear friend took my sister and me out to lunch for our birthdays -- Thanks!  It was delicious! -- and I caught a glimpse of Jimmy Johnson (phooey) on a TV and exclaimed, "A POCKET SQUARE GUY!").  What will they do in the off season, the PS Guys?  Sit around and count their money?  I imagine they all play golf, especially Michael Strahan (who is my fave of the five followed by Curt, Terry, Howie, and that is that because Jimmy just ain't it).  I cannot imagine Howie Long taking a class, maybe in French, at his local community college to expand his knowledge for that trip to Paris he promised his wife they'd take.  Perhaps Terry Bradshaw has decided this is the year he will learn how to hula hoop or throw a pot but probably not.  Maybe they'll wander in forests talking to the animals because their wives just want them to zip it for five minutes, just five, I am begging you, and their kids do not like football, they prefer synchronized swimming or archery or the art of the Italian Renaissance and, Dad, are you familiar with the Sex Pistols oeuvre?

A new year is upon us!  Happy 2011.  Happy playoffs!


Brett Favre, the Thing Who Wouldn't Leave, alleges that this now-ending season was indeed his last.  Perhaps he is still suffering from the effects of that Bears-induced concussion and when his brain isn't swollen he will think he should indeed play just one more season, awww, come on, I still got it, let's go for 21 seasons.  Just in case this notion might start to run through his head, I suggest this:  Brett!  Quit while you can still walk upright without the aid of canes!  Better still, while you can still remember the names of your kids and your social security number both.  Let us miss you and then let whoever it is that does such things get you into the Football Hall of Fame.  If you keep playing pro ball, that Hall of Fame thing won't happen for even longer.  See?  See?  You might be getting ready for induction if you had just let it be after you retired from the Packers the first time, the time it should have stuck.  I ask this of you for what I hope is the last time:  How can we miss if you won't go away?


* This is a lie.  It should be 1,117 but I rounded down.