Sunday, February 2, 2014


Regular readers of this blog (and my thanks to you both) will know that everything about me -- museum-going, opera-loving, international-traveling, theatre-loving, ethnic-cuisine-loving, foreign-film watching me -- screams that sports are verboten as a topic of discussion or even as a fleeting thought.  Except, I like sports, especially football.  I like sports enough to be pleased if a conversation turns in that direction.  I can hold up my end of the discussion and I will probably enjoy it.  That I know what I am talking about is confirmed when known sports fanatics at my workplace seek me out to talk about some sports thing or other (and thank you, coworkers, for this validation).  I like football but not so much that I am in its thrall in all my spare time, but I do like it.  Multiple concussions and the knowledge that one day it will be banned forever for being too dangerous be damned!  I like it.

This brings us to Super Bowl XLVIII (48 for nonfans of Roman numerals) which is TONIGHT!  So much about this game is freaking AMAZING and WRONG.  So AMAZING and WRONG that I can barely type it all out!

WRONG because it's being held in a cold climate.  Northern New Jersey in wintertime sucks, blows, bites, stinks, and is generally terrible and miserable.  They get plentiful snowstorms with measurable precipitation.  Who the hell talked so fast and furious that this happened?  The players are OUTSIDE in the elements!  The performers are OUTSIDE in the elements!  It seems that the gods of the gridiron are smiling on Met Life Stadium; the weather at kickoff will moderate, a very balmy 48 degrees and it will be dry.  Renee Fleming's amazing operatic talent -- opera and football TOGETHER?  I may weep! -- will not be jeopardized by singing in extreme cold.   Bruno Mars -- whom I enjoy so much -- and the Red Hot Chili Peppers won't be turned into blocks of ice during the halftime show.  As for the players, sorry, pals, that's your job.  You're paid obscene amounts of money to get your head bashed and move a ball ten yards in four moves and if it's -5ยบ, I only feel for the fans in attendance but even they asked for it, paying good money for the privilege.  (The Super Bowl belongs in a warm climate which affords the illusion that it's a magical time.  It's WRONG but what do you want from an illiusion?)

WRONG for NJ governor Chris Christie because he thought this first-ever Super Bowl in New Jersey would be the perfect springboard to his bid to be president.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Because of the Fort Lee-GW Bridge incident and his taking MONTHS to say he just found out about it (do you live under a rock in Trenton, sir?) and then adding a baffling amount of doucherie to this denial in just the last two days (because if Chris Christie thinks you're not on his side, you are dead to him and you should be dead to everyone else, too, personally, politically, and economically, and here's some more he has to say, and here's something he left out, and don't forget this).  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Wrong for him because at Super Bowl Boulevard a/k/a Times Square converted to the annual Super-Bowl-themed extravaganza, featuring a seven-story slide (which I'd totally do), getting your picture taken with large exciting Roman numbers (XLVIII and, again, I'd do it), getting your picture taken with the Lombardi trophy (OMG!  GET OUT OF MY WAY SO I CAN SNUGGLE UP TO THE FREAKING LOMBARDI TROPHY!),  Chris Christie and NY governor Andrew Cuomo came to do the ceremonial handoff of Super Bowl duties to Arizona governor Jan Brewer (phooey), and Christie was booed and jeered.  Chris Christie loves to talk to a crowd but spoke for just 30 seconds, the Christie equivalent of being rendered mute.  Top that off with the new haircut that makes him look like a Chicken McNuggethead and it's just WRONG for Governor CC of NJ.

AMAZING for Denver (and WRONG for Chicago)!  In 2009, the Broncos and the Bears did a quarterback trade, with Kyle Orton (whom I liked and was pretty good) going to Denver and Jay Cutler (whom Denver really liked a lot; it's well documented what I think of Jay).  Denver fans were pissed and didn't think Mr. Orton played as well as Jay (whereas I don't think Jay has ever played well, ever, ever, ever).  (It's WRONG that so many women fans think Jay is a handsome man.  Quarterbacks don't have to be handsome; they have to be able call plays and accurately throw the ball. Thinking otherwise is WRONG.  And handsome is in the eye of the beholder and for me, he's just not; I look at him and think of a foot.)  From the trade, Denver got our place in the draft picks the next year and got a very good player from that but ultimately when the Indiana Colts believed their QB, Peyton Manning, would not be able to be the prime piece of meat he'd been prior to the neck injury that had him out for much of the 2012-13 season and they should trade him (Colts:  that was wrong, right?), Denver was able to secure Manning, one of the great NFL quarterbacks of all times, and now they are going to the Super Bowl.  Denver, with Manning as the quarterback, was the sole NFL team to have home team advantage in the playoffs.  AMAZING!  Back in Chicago, the Bears haven't been in the playoffs in years -- YEARS -- but the Bears organization re-signed Jay Cutler for another seven years.  AMAZING (mind-boggling might be a better description) AND WRONG for Bears fans like me who give a moderate crap.  (They re-signed Robbie Gould for four years which is AMAZING and right on every level.)

I like visiting Seattle very much and their Seahawks logo is great even though I couldn't live in Seattle because of all the hills but I hope, hope, hope the Denver Broncos solidly cream their northwest corn.  Peyton Manning is AMAZING and the thought of Denver losing is WRONG.  Please note:  I have been WRONG before and I will be WRONG again.

I am not offering what I think the point spread would be.  That'd be not just wrong but amazingly stupid.

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