Sunday, August 30, 2015

Bears! Bears! Bears!!

There have been three pre-season games for my team, the Chicago Bears.  Here is what I have gleaned from the little attention I've been paying:

1.  Pre-season play is foolhardy! How many players have been injured in these three games, including Jimmy Clausen, the second string quarterback.  (Insert sigh of relief here:  he did not suffer a concussion.)  Also injured in this game were cornerback Tracy Porter, defensive tackle Jeremiah Ratliff, nose tackle Eddie Goldman, and running back Senorise Perry.  How is any of this okay?  Just have lots and lots of practices -- hard practices on the actual field against the practice team -- but don't risk the season for games that don't count.  Injuries that count and can affect someone's future are not worth sustaining in pre-season play.

2.  Jay Cutler is not just a non-top-tier QB he really dances below the middle tier and down around the bottom.  He is not going to improve enough to be a top-tier QB; I say play Jimmy Clausen, assuming he's okay after yesterday's injury, and let Jay sit on the bench and think about what he did.

3.  Ever since Mrs. Jay Cutler spoke this summer and said that she and Jay didn't think of Chicago as home, Jay seems to be trying to be more personable and available.  As much as he can be personable and available and still be Jay, that is.  Too late, pal.  Everyone heard it, everyone processed it, and everyone will remember it.  If you didn't stink so much as a quarterback, people might be a little more forgiving.  If you didn't ingest so much of what Saturday Night Live once referred to as "the first whipped topping for cats," people might be willing to think of just the season.  I am thinking of the season -- the season that comes after he's no longer the Bears first-string QB.

4.  Head coach John Fox seems sane and reasonable, determined and focused.  I don't think that will change.

As I write this, I wonder why I still care about this.  I just care.  I do.   The end.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Vacay, y'all!

In preparation for my vacation in 2 weeks and 2 days, I am taking a vacation today.

Do you miss me?  Nah, probably not.

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Happy Anniversary

I began writing this post on August 2, 2011.  I consider the time I've spent thinking about it, writing it, and rewriting it to be time well spent.  In fact, I didn't realize it had been four years; it felt like two years.  That makes no sense since it took almost a year to write She Is Where.

I began working at my present job on August 15, 1995.  The cumulative time went by like a shot but that's what happens when you're not a young person.  Time might seem to drag on a daily basis and yet you can almost watch the clock whirring forward.  I will not be getting these 20 years back.

That's as much philosophy as you're getting from me today except toe say that the Bears are back and those years Jay has been the quarterback?  We fans of the Chicago Bears won't be getting those back either.

So I close by telling you what I've been saying at work, "It's my anniversoire."  (Yeah, I know it's not a word.)

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Not as good as he thinks he looks

Yesterday I went downtown to take a tap class.  I left at the usual time but didn't count on the addition of tourists being on the train, not acting right, standing in everyone's way and they were not the worst thing about the train ride.  There was this one guy...

Everyone knows someone like this one guy.  He has decided that he is going to have a beautiful body.  He is going to go to the gym every day.  No matter where he is or what he's doing, he will get to the gym.  He is focused.  He is determined.  He is one of the most ignorant and selfish people around.

He has to be able to have a drink -- something like Monster or Red Bull -- and he has to have it as he rides the train.  He has to have his phone in his hand in case someone tries to contact him.  It might be important and he believes he's an important guy.  He wears the briefest of sleeveless t-shirts to show off his body.  He stands in such a way as to pose and also cut off the space of at least two other people trying to stand on the train.

But then there is the closer inspection.  His nails are super raggedy.  It looks like he might bite them but like he also doesn't scrub them to get them really clean, like maybe he had his hands in dirt or something worse and he didn't care enough to make them tidy.  The train jostles; he shifts.  He hasn't taken a shower and his B.O. is extreme, like he's spent eight hours doing something energetic (probably with strangers) and doesn't respect those he travels with enough to give himself a perfunctory rinse.

Yeah, I fought my way to the center of the car to get away from him.  There was actual room in the center and everyone there seemed to have considerately had a shower before climbing on board.

My advice to the handsome, the perfect, the gym wise and stench foolish:  You are the one(s) we laugh at when we see you.  You are focusing on an external that is anything but perfect.  Scrub your hands!  Give yourself a rinse before you go to the gym and then have better shower after!  And work on that personality because we all know it's just like poo.

Sunday, August 2, 2015


Exciting!  Inviting!  But not for me...
Lollapalooza is the summer blockbuster of summer blockbuster music festivals in a city where you can't swing a bag of festering garbage without hitting a music festival.  Riotfest!  Pitchfork!  Some other fests that just don't come to mind!  They are three-day music festivals like Lollapalooza but they just are not Lolla.  Yeah, we call it Lolla because no one has time for saying it every single time.

Look at the Lolla acts closing each night this year.  Sir Paul McCartney -- in case you've been dead for 50 years, he was in an ineffectual band called The Beatles, a group that did nothing except change Rock and Roll (and there are those who say almost ruined it but that's a different discussion); Metallica -- one of the greatest heavy metal bands of all time; Florence and the Machine -- this year's biggest of the new stars. 

I work in the multipurpose building that is called the Olgilvie Transportation Center.  It's multipurpose because there are offices, restaurants, shops, and a big ass train station.  I went downstairs at 11 and the lobby was filled with loud, young Lolla attendees, just arrived on some suburban train or other.  They dressed alike, pretty much looked alike (i.e. young), and were all beautiful, even the unattractive ones.  Excitement rippled through the air because they're young and haven't learned to curb their enthusiasm down many decibels.  (My friend, Michael, goes to Lolla every year but he is not demonstrably enthusiastic.  He's just very happy to be going but he is an adult.)  After lunch, I didn't give it much thought.

After work, I walked from my office in the Olgivie Transportation Center to the Brown Line with a coworker.  She got on the El and I continued down to Michigan Avenue and then thought, oh, what the hell, maybe I can score some free swag, and walked down to Lollapalooza.

When I got to Lollapalooza, they would not let me in.  CAN YOU IMAGINE!?  I AM AN ADULT!  I AM MOSTLY WELL BEHAVED!  I AM AN ADULT!  AM I TOO OLD?  TOO UNATTRACTIVE?  "You don't have a ticket," they said. 

Oh.  That.

I sent a text to Michael about not being let in and he replied, "BITCHIZZZZ!"

All the swag people had closed up at 5pm so the only swag I scored was a box of water.  It was 90ยบ and the water (in a carton) was nice and wet.  My ultimate reward:  I walked over 2 miles and found my favorite place to buy a lottery ticket was still open.  I haven't checked my numbers yet but I am pretty sure that I won't be quitting my job this week to follow the Sir Paul Tour.