Oh, I Think So

Our division rival has been sent home to the northern part of Wisconsin to think about what they did. What did they do? THEY LOST! Suck it, losers! I mean, oh, how unsportsmanlike of me. It was a good game (it was). But the Bears, shock of shocks, have become a real team with real players and real bitches (fine, wide receivers and whatever else catches a ball). Greg Olsen grabbed it on the run. Devin Hester took flight and when he landed, he was the royal Bear. The ESPN announcers (the game was locally broadcast on WCIU, Channel 26 for those, like me, who are cable deficient) talked about Aaron Rodgers like he was something tasty they came upon at a breakfast buffet. Yeah, Rodgers is good but, yo, jerks, Jay Cutler WON. I wonder what goes through the heads of sports commentators. When they get home, do they shut up? When they sit at a table with friends or family, do they listen? Is it all just spouting and pontificating and opining? What do they do when they realize ...

The Bears and Jay Cutler won big over the Dallas Cowboys in the Dallas Palace of Fine Football in Arlington, Texas, in the Cowboys home opener. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I may have been wrong in my condemnation of spending all that money for Cutler because the man was on top of it. It was offense and defense playing the game, and not just the defense trying to make the best of it. They beat the Cowboys on their home turf and I am delighted. Today, all the coaches are great. All the players are terrific. And I ate some very tasty Chinese food, leftover from last night's takeaway. Haiku of pity Safety Major Wright! He breaks an index finger, then pulls a hammy. As I watched the game, two things were immediately apparent. Number one is that I truly don't know jackshit about football. Really, were I a cartoon character watching the game, there would be a whole lot of question-mark thought balloon floating above my head the whole time with the occasional exclamation point ...

For the Chicago Bears, it was a squeaker and a win, thanks to the bad fortune of Detroit Lions first string quarterback, Matthew Stafford, who was sacked by Julius Peppers, and Lions bitch (okay, wide receiver) Calvin Johnson. If Detroit hadn't lost their QB to a major shoulder injury at the end of the first half, and/or if Calvin Johnson of the Lions had completed the process of a touchdown play at the end of the fourth quarter, the Bears could very well have lost their season opener. There was also that shameful play at the one-yard line where the Bears still didn't get it across the line for a touchdown and they didn't turn to Robbie Gould to just give it a good kick either. THE ONE YARD LINE! THIRTY-SIX INCHES! The Lions defense is very good or the Bears offense is very stanky. Someone needs to please remind me why Jay Cutler is allegedly worth so much money. I still don't understand. Still, as I watched the game, I realized I probably don't have what...

A Haiku of WTF? Team for season set! The tiny brains cut the gold. Bye, Dan LeFevour. ----------------------- The Bears stank up another stadium, this time in Ohio. I forgot this last exhibition game was being played and, instead, watched an episode of " Community " and then went swimming. When I got home I still forgot it was on and looked at icanhascheezburger.com and knocked off at about 10:15. The next morning I saw the highlights on WGN and realized I am to comprehensive football blogging what a former governor of Alaska was to commitment to her electorate. So I did what came next (in my mind) to get information, i.e. I exchanged IMs with Lady Football. She advised that she too went to bed early but that Lord Football, who loves, loves, loves the Bears had watched the whole game. When he got into bed, she asked if they won and Lord Football, he who loves loves loves the Bears, said, "Of course not." "Of course not." WTF are the coaches...