No cook I

The face of the business in which I work now has changed dramatically over the past ten years.  In my industry, they used to jam everyone together in an office at these round pod situations, with six people working around each pod.  Yes, I worked in a pie slice.  It's okay that they did this to us as it was also difficult to speak to someone on the other side of the pod.  The company for which I worked should have had the motto, "Lose, lose, suckas!"  (In fact, if they trotted that motto out now, it would be a perfect fit, y'all.) 

Everyone was all up in the business of everyone else.  There were quiet people and annoying people and voices that carried and voices that could have been on the radio.  There were singers and people who requested songs of the singers and those who silently wished the singers would just shut it.  There were two of us who liked to one-up each other in giving each other the finger.  That last one would be too hard to explain but trust me when I say it was pretty hilarious, even when I was on the receiving end which was mostly as my friend was more skilled than I.  There were braggarts and clothes horses and every single person who was proud of their recipe for something should not have been.  

I am not a cook and when there were food days, I would bring the napkins, plates, and disposable cutlery.  If those were not needed, I did not participate.  There was one woman who decided I was a cook.  Every time I think of this person I like her less.  One Monday morning, she was over by my pod and loudly said to me, "I bet you spend the whole weekend cooking."  I said, "No.  I don't."  "Really?" she asked.  "Because I just see you in my mind cooking all weekend."  I again said, "No."  She said a variation of it again and I said, "No."  A fourth time, followed by, "No."  The truth?  No, I am not a cook.  I am also not a baker.  I make stuff but it's all very simple that any darn fool can whip together, like cut up chicken (from a grocery store rotisserie bird), cooked (but not overcooked) broccoli, and pasta noodles with some sort of glue like diet margarine to make everything stick together.  That is not cooking; that is assembling.

There is one thing I can cook and it comes out great every time.  I can make hard-boiled eggs.  I don't have the problem of greenish-tinged yolks either.  White egg whites and yellow yolks and they are delicious.  

Hard-boiled eggs 

Bring water in a 3-quart cooking pot to a hard boil

Using tongs, place the eggs gently, one by one, into the water

Set a timer for 12 minutes

After the water begins boiling hard again, about 30 seconds, lower the heat so the water doesn't splash all over

Go watch TV or read internet news until the timer sounds

Take the entire pot and run cold water on it, gently and slowly changing the water until it stays cold

DO NOT put the eggs in the water and then boil them.  DO NOT add salt.  DO NOT let them sit on the stove longer than the 12 minutes.  CHANGE THE WATER as they are getting the cold bath as you want to totally stop the cooking process.  TELL YOUR FRIENDS that you figured this out all on your own.